Just a quick “what the fuck is up with that?!” directed at American toilets. Here is a photograph I took, with the pre-pee water level highlighted in red.

Seriously yo, this is grossly unnecessary. At first, I thought this was due to the obvious waste involved in emptying and refilling such a quantity of water when in every other toilet I have used around the world it appears far less water is required. However a little reading online has revealed that actually the US has the same controls in place on new toilet installations as those in the UK, and that per flush, my toilet here should only be using as much water as a toilet in Blighty.

So why the fuck do I have to do my business straight in to so much bloody water, leading to inevitable splash on number twos and much more significantly, unavoidable blokey piss-noise on number ones?

I am a quiet person. I like to eat with my mouth closed, I am light on my feet, I don’t slam doors and I never ever urinate directly in to the water when using a toilet. The sound of a man pissing is one of the most disgusting sensory assaults one can be subjected to, and yet in this country, I am forced to be a perpetrator of this most heinous act.

Dear America, please consider using one of the many styles of toilet I have encountered throughout Europe where one can choose where to wee, and only if they want to be identified as a dick swinging, macho bastard do they have to do it where it makes as much noise as possible. The rest of us will be glad to carry on doing our most undignified acts in the most civilized way while trying not to disturb anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot. Thanks guys.